(EBOOK FREE) [The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes] AUTHOR R. Chetwynd–Hayes

  • Hardcover
  • 251
  • The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes
  • R. Chetwynd-Hayes
  • English
  • 28 June 2020
  • 9781878252333

R. Chetwynd-Hayes º 4 review

R. Chetwynd-Hayes º 4 review The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes review × 104 Mystery anthology Dark Detectives With an original introduction by Brian Lumley and an exclusive interview with the author. Mostly funny clever tongue in cheek short vampire stories told with Chetwynd s usual wit and uite inventive Not your usual vampires Looking for Something to Suck was imo probably the best just for the frightening description of the story s vampiric thing

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The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes

R. Chetwynd-Hayes º 4 review The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes review × 104 Ill including a brand new story featuring his psychic detective Frances St Clare who can also be found in the upcoming FB. Where were you when you first read Dracula by Bram Stoker I was in elementary school when I first read it there was an abridged copy in the library That and the abridged copy of 20000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Phantom of the Opera were my earliest introductions to macabre literature One could say that it helped spawn a life long love of the supernatural and the creepyIn recent years some perhaps could say decades now the genre of the supernatural has become overstuffed And this isn t the good kind of overstuffed like a stuffed pizza crust with cheese leaking out of it or a Twinkie with so much cream it s bursting out of the spongy cake s pores Bookshelves and online stores have so many supernatural book titles that it s difficult wading through them all to find something that piues your interest Don t get me wrong there are a number of good titles there uite a large number but there are many that are formulaic rather than creative churned out in droves for a cash inYet even though I have only read this collection of R Chetwynd Hayes work and there is a vast bibliography this author is uite different than other members of the creepy supernatural herd He combines macabre comedy double entendre bad puns and sometimes a nod and a wink knowingness in his characters dialogue to make up some of the most delightful reads I ve ever come across Even than that each story has something uniue about it which is often times the concept of vampires themselvesWith that brief introduction lets get into several of my favorite stories from this collection My Mother Married a Vampire There s no beating around the bush in this one From the first sentence the unnamed narrator confirms the title of the story This is going to be a common theme throughout the collection Chetwynd Hayes seemingly giving the game away to the reader from the onset Once the story is read it is very clear this isn t the caseThis story contains perhaps my favorite term for a human vampire hybrid a humvamp There s something so delightfully British about the sounds to the ears of this American reviewer That and this story as a whole is a good introduction to the rest of Chetwynd Hayes work It s full of knowing nods that the audience can pick up on while the characters are completely unaware of what kind of situation they re inThe narrator tells how he as a child discovered that his father was a vampire To an outside observer his father is clearly a vampire all dinner coats and pale auiline features But it speaks to the innocence of the character and children in general as he only knows his father as a parent He even thinks that the red liuid his father drinks at meal times is tomato juiceThat they eat together tomato juice or no is an excellent indicator that despite his father s pedigree the narrator and his parents manage to live as normal a family life as they can His father leaving at night and sleeping during the day is treated as any night time job It may at times seem unorthodox but they all love one another There s a wholesomeness there When his mother explains his father s vampirism to the narrator she is insistent upon adding that his father isn t a vicious animalistic killer but like a thoughtful secret thief only taking from those who have an abundance She makes a note to tell how he doesn t harm during the blood drinking and is careful enough to prevent any sensation or memory of the event Think The Munsters without them being so upfront about it They can t be for them there are dangersThis world knows about the world of the supernatural that exists on the fringes and preys in the shadows And after an encounter with bullies that leads to the intervention of a priest the narrator discovers what monsters actually are And R Chetwynd Hayes reveals one of the most delightful interpretations of a vampire that it has been my pleasure to come across The Labyrinth This story in particular is bursting at the seams with clevernessA young man and woman find themselves wondering across the moors after leaving the safety of the beaten path in search of adventure They don t find much adventure but they find an abundance of being lost and tired They also find a three storey stone house plopped right out there on the moors surrounded by dead grass and seeming to reject the light of the setting sunIn the house s garden beneath an umbrella sits an old woman enjoying tea Upon seeing them rush to her for aide and directions to the nearest road she invites the two beleaguered travelers to join herImmediately the reader can tell she s off She seems like something from another time but with an eerie touch of the macabre This is where she utters my favorite line in the book Sanity is only a form of madness favored by the majority As poetic and insightful as it is the experienced in the genre among us should be seeing red flags by this point Every sense of self preservation would not allow me to accept an invitation into this woman s house but our intrepid duo have no choice if they want to be under a roof by sundownEnthusiasm would drain away further after dinner when she insists the house they are all in is alive Not in the sense of brightly colored or eccentrically decorated but in the sense of breathing and with a heartbeat Sinister arrives at peak levels when one remembers that living things need to feed What follows is a story that lives up to the title The house is in fact a labyrinth but in a way you would never be able to guess Not in a hundred triesThis is story has one of the greatest and most uniue interpretations of the vampire legend that I ve ever read That isn t hyperbole or reviewer speak for I m being handsomely paid to say something nice I have never read a vampire tale such as this before This is an even greater achievement when one takes into account that being uniue can be dangerous unknown territory It s frightening once you actually start thinking about its true shot in the dark nature The worst part being that the uniue something is the greater the riskThis is a uniueness that certainly hits the mark The Great Indestructible This story is perhaps the funniest of the whole batch Are you a fan of bad puns Do you like to make them yourself Well hang up your thinking cap because it doesn t get much better than the name of the protagonist one Mr Hans Clutcher a reporter for the delightfully named Ghoul Gazette Hans Clutcher Hands clutcher Get it If you re going the pun route for a frightened horror lead this one is the gold standardMr Clutcher comes to a castle to interview the legend himself Count The Children of the Night What Music They Make I Do Not Drink Dot Dot Dot Vine Dracula The Ghoul Gazette sent him off to this task in the same manner that Jonathan Harker was sent off in the original text That is to say without a care given to his safety considering the host he s being sent toThe main uestion on Mr Clutcher s mind is how Dracula no matter how many times he s staked burned dismembered buried and etcetera ad infinitum keeps returning to life This has occurred so many times that he has earned a number of nicknames to that nature one being the Great Indestructible So what does the Count attribute his hardy nature to It has nothing to do with his own cleverness or prodigious supernatural skills but the fact that people are just plain stupid Don t get me wrong he s thankful for stupid people but he has nothing but disdain for those who for one illogical reason or another idiotically bring him back to lifeTo read Dracula explaining this is nothing short of hilarious but that he doesn t do this in the manner of a high born Eastern European aristocrat whose refined storehouse of verbal intercourse is having a close out sale on the letter V This Dracula s speech is like a crass simple and loveable London chimney sweep from a cutesy musical about a magical English babysitter the kind that s strict but fair and has an umbrella that defies physics but we give it a pass because it s fun The Great Indestructible has to be R Chetwynd Hayes own commentary about the subject of Dracula Even the most fervent fans of Bram Stoker s character has to see that if vampires have been done into the ground then Dracula is selling real estate at the planet s core There can be no other explanation for even the bloodsucker s own exasperation and bewilderment in this story of how many times he keeps coming back Reading how Dracula acts and one conjures the image of a rodeo clown discussing how he s been at his job for too many years Don t get me wrong this isn t a diatribe against vampires R Chetwynd Hayes doesn t strike me as writing from a place of bitterness On the contrary he seems to relish the opportunity to comment on the genre and the people who love it in a cheeky way And that comment is that the Count s uncanny and inexhaustible ability for resurrection comes not from any supernatural ability but from humanity s insatiable appetite for him Looking for Something to Suck Here s the titular story of the collection just in case you needed me to point that out Not only that this is one of the serious stories within this collection It s a rather jarring change from the tone of the majority but not unwelcome or unworthyThe story opens with an amazingly detailed account of a shadow creature just barely conscious attempting to find a host With a host to drain it is the only way it can be truly safe from the searing light It s easy to feel the creature s desperation from its point of view low on the ground slinking from actual shadow to actual shadow as it searchesA faint touch on a leg or toe of a shoe reveals the age gender and vitality of the person to the shadow creature None that it feels are ideal until it finds one particular leg belonging to a young woman bursting with delicious vitality But she uickly jerks her leg away and the shadow is nearly fully exposed to the deadly light It survives but only just Salvation was so frustratingly close It s alright though soon night will fall and the shadow creature settles down to waitIn the mundane part of the story two characters are arguing One our protagonist Jane and the other is her husband Jerry It s just after dinner with his boss and Jerry just had the chance at a promotion almost certainly snatched away from him He s accusing Jane of committing an indiscretion by acting revolted upon meeting his boss grimacing and jerking her leg away as though she s going to run see what s going on there For Jane s part she insists that that s not why she reacted that way explaining patiently to the increasingly agitated and insulting Jerry that she has some sort of psychic ability Meeting his boss happened coincidentally at the same time she felt a particularly malign presence on her legJerry under the impression that he is living in a boring normal world dismisses her insistence on psychic ability and at the same time her continued fears of the dark Still under the impression that there is nothing in the dark he ignores his own animal senses and the senses of his pet animalIt all ends tragically after the lights go offSo serious is this narrative that one would be forgiven if not having read some of the others in the collection that this is from an entirely different author It takes a special level of skill for an author to be able to write in a variety of different tones with the same skill The uniueness that R Chetwynd Hayes brings to otherwise well trodden storylines is still very much present This particular vampire in the story has a hint of cosmic horror about it its food not being anything close to the physical and its nature and composition go beyond the regular bounds of the supernatural With the addition of the point of view of this strange creature at the opening R Chetwynd Hayes does a masterful job of creating a rising tension Jerry doesn t know what s going to happen and Jane only suspects But the reader can see it like an oncoming storm one that we re powerless to stop or escape from The Werewolf and the Vampire George Hardcastle is your rather typical young man George has a little foible as we all do You see George is a fan of dogs I use that term in its true form as the shorthand for fanatic as he cannot help himself when he sees one he has to pet itThis would be all tickety boo under normal circumstances Maybe he would be nipped at a time or two as a warning but this isn t a problem It becomes a problem when George follows the noise of a dog into the woods in the local park Once inside it s as though he s strayed into a primordial forest He is bitten badly on the leg by a fast beast and loses consciousnessHe s found and after a few days of fever and bed rest he returns to being otherwise as far as he knows normal But all is not well This bite far from a simple animal attack catapults George into the world of the supernatural What s worse is that at first he has no idea that he is soaring through the air towards an inevitable crashThis crash comes in the form of a meeting While in a museum trying to regain his health with a nice walk George meets Carola who could not be of an obvious vampire if she had rented a room in Count Dracula s castle George could not be oblivious as all the best comedic heroes are He is woefully unaware of who she is but she picks up what he is right away This leads to the hilarious situation of two people having two different conversations while the other thinks that they are having the same oneGeorge has his doubts about the extent of her sanity but she s uite beautiful Before you form any opinion of him based upon that we must remember not to judge too harshly I would wager that not a single person reading this has not at one point or another forgiven a person s extensive oddities because they were attractiveCarola insists on taking him home to meet her parents who will be delighted to not have to keep up the charade of normality around him George is still not uite sure what she means but again she s as pretty as a pearl on black velvet He goes along This is the point where George s sense of the world and himself is shaken to its core Not the best meet the folks situation but I ve heard of worseIf someone added an even bigger spl

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R. Chetwynd-Hayes º 4 review The Vampire Stories of R Chetwynd Hayes review × 104 Editor Stephen Jones collects fifteen blood sucking tales written by Ronald Chetwynd Hayes Britain's reigning prince of ch. Now availablePaperbackWebsite US UKeBookWebsite US UK